How have you been? Same story. I can keep up. It is just not a priority I guess,

As I fall asleep, I compose many good sentences in my head.
When I wake in the morning they are gone. The only memory is that I remember they existed once at least somewhere.

The Summer moves along at a pace only summers can. Anxiety is keeping me from enjoying as much as I’d like

Once again I can’t keep up

I suspect this is a totally common problem.

A season two episode of HBO’s High Maintenance showed just how common people’s behavior is even when they think they are being intimate.




Finally figured it out

Animism seems to be more reasonable than any monotheistic religions I am aware of.

The next time someone is curious about my religious leanings, I going to say I am an animalist. I am looking forward to it.

On an unrelated note: really impressed that Neuromancer, first publishes 1 Jul 1984 (an ominous year)  still holds up.  In fact, _still holds up_ is a poorly used cliche. I mean if it was written today, it would still be relevant. Written over 35 years makes, it will, astounding. Wish I could suss out what completely novel in it vs. themes and threads Gibson just expanded on. I am old enough to remember, but with that age comes a muddling of both time and space which makes it hard to determine what’s new and what’s not.  For example, Blade Runner was released in June 25, 1982, and clearly, a lot of the “atmosphere” in the Sprawl is derivate. IDK. Still a great book.  Would be a cool movie too probably.

What else is new?

I really enjoyed Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind by Yuval Noah Harari but so far have found his followup Homo Deus derivative to the point of copying wholesale passages from  Sapiens. I am hoping it gets original soon, I will be disappointed. 


Goal: write every day if only a little bit.

The result so far: (See title)


Or Maybe Not

So a definition of success remains elusive.

Started using Grammarly (pro)  so far I am pretty impressed, of course, I am the only one reading what I proof so who really knows if there are fewer mistakes.


Why can’t the people rise up and end this madness? You could argue It’s All About The Benjamins Baby, and you’d be right, but anyone making that case is exceptionally short-sighted (penny wise, pound foolish, I believe is the correct idiom. )

Haha, google: “penny wise, pound foolish” and see what comes up about startups.

Anyway, I am back in that world again with a vengeance. Although relatively speaking I have been in much worse worlds. However, I am not making restitution for being able to work from home some much in my last gig.

So this entry is just a bit of stream (or perhaps a yelp) of consciousness. Berating myself because I am not more thoughtful and productive here. That can’t be good.

Ok, then.

Until next time.

You Would Think

that since I am currently unemployed that I would less excuses for not writing more here.

As it turns, out, I guess, only a few, or perhaps only one excuse is required for not writing more. Oh, wait, perhaps there is just no excuse.  Actually, I think that is correct.

What I need is a routine. A grove to get into. Maybe it will happen once I figure out this gotta work thing.

However, I think a resolution to that maybe coming soon.

What’s news:

In the meantime I have been thoroughly enjoying Circe http://madelinemiller.com/circe/ I didn’t think I would.

I recently finished  The Passage https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Passage_(Cronin_novel) along with the two followup books. I did enjoy them.  Thought the first one was best. First part of the second one also better than the reminder. However,  I think the for TV adoption is just as entertaining which I think says enough about my overall opinion of this content. I think.

Also, I  did some drumming which is fun, but I am rhythmically challenged. Actually rhythmically challenged too kind. It was something like this:

Image result for drumming

Actually, it was this: https://kripalu.org/presenters-programs/drumming-and-yoga-rhythmic-rejuvenation-retreat

and it was fun. I’d am planning on doing it again next time.


By some definition of tomorrow.

OK, for me happiness would equal success. The two are separate concepts and I was confusing them internally. Now maybe I am not.

What would make me happy? Certainly not a far amount of success. (Which, by more objective sources then myself (not hard by the way) I have achieved on multiple fronts.) Perhaps being able to honestly count a success as a success might help though. I have quite a bit trouble doing that. For me, the fact that the glass is half full is irrelevant, I wanna know who stole my water. Often times, I even forget that I am not that thirsty.

Still, I try. In fact, these writings are one of the many ways I try to exercise the demons of stupidity. But they are tenacious.

OK, so what would make me happy. I mean long term happy, not just for the hour, day or even the week, although I have never been happy for a week straight I don’t think.

I think, in part, we are designed (by natural selection) to be unhappy. As I said earlier, I think, for me contentment is an element of happiness. But doesn’t contentment mean pausing and just accepting rather than trying to strive? I think I am afraid of that pause. If I am not constantly diligent. Constantly, at least treading water, then I think I’ll sink. And what little consistently and stability I have (you know, food, clothes, shelter) will unravel. To some degree that’s true. I can’t just stop. I can’t even just stop and do something else. There’s plenty I gotta do, just like most other folks, that I don’t always (or usually) feel like doing.

So maybe finically independence (which is not in my future) would one key to my happiness. But A) it ain’t gonna happen and B) it seems pretty shallow. Perhaps naively I believe happiness should not come with a price tag. I think money can but some happiness, but the cliche mostly holds true, I think. I guess if I was able to use my finical independence to do more of what I wanted to do that could generate real and sustained happiness. I am not sure. I am not sure, in part, because I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have to do anything. I’ve thought about it. I worry I’d just be bored and sleep all the time (even more than I do now). But realistically the idea of being able to just what I want (more or less) is so far removed from my reality I just don’t know. Maybe this is another case of black and white thinking though. Isn’t the real art is being able to craft happiness from what you can do, rather than what you imagine you’d like to do?

And So It Begins

What is success? Better: what does being successful mean to me?

What’s the relationship to being successful and being happy. Does success equate to happiness? Is happiness success?

Part of the problem is that success can be easily quantified and divided into categories. A successful business venture, a kid getting into the college of their choice, driving the car you always wanted, a grateful student and so on, basically tangible stuff. Any goal achieved can be categorized as a success. Happiness is more elusive. Happiness, it seems defies categorization. How do you quantify it in an everyday meaningful way? Is happiness the sum of all those successes? (Clearly not, in my mind at least).

Actually, that is easy, happiness and success are orthogonal, (I love using the word ever since Apple, in their Apple way, used it in a promotion for something or other a long time ago).

So success does not come bundled with happiness and hopefully happiness is not dependent on Success. Although I will readily acknowledge (admit) that being happy without success is hard. But is happiness fueled by success genuine? (I was going to write ‘real’ but what is real can be a subject for another day). Still, what is genuine and does it matter as long as you’re happy? I’d say it does matter. Because the happiness is tied to success. I believe this is a false dichotomy.

Not any closer to defining success for myself yet.

For now, I think I am going to skip trying to define personal happiness. Right now that definition seems too elusive. Maybe part of the problem is that I bind happiness with contentment. Maybe that’s another false dichotomy. There is so much chaos, and the only constant is change (which is not really a constant if you think about it). Maybe being happy requires being able to embrace this turmoil and getting comfortable with it. Instead, for myself, and perhaps people and general, although I am trying hard to keep this personal and avoid generalities, I try to bring constantly to my world. Thinking that constancy is one key to happiness after all the unexpected can be jarring and explode plans and intentions. When things go off-course, stress and anxiety arise and are those emotions antipodal to happiness? Getting comfortable with the uncomfortable might be one important facet of happiness.

Oops, still not talking about what success means to me. Maybe I’ll get to it tomorrow.